Archive for May, 2016

Jokes about stuff

Posted: May 20, 2016 in General

Q: What do you call a white person fallen fron the sky? A: Bird Poop Q: If the women with big boobs work at hooters where do the woman with one leg work? A: Ihop. What Do You Call A Black Girl With Braces? A Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker Q: Why are women are good goal keepers A: No matter how hard the men fuck, the balls don’t go in. Q: You know a boss is like a diaper? A: FULL OF SHIT AND ALWAYS ON YOUR ASS. Q. What is the rent collectors favorite game to play? A. monopoly Q: Why do cowboys make bad lovers? A: They think 8 seconds is a long ride! Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in Arizona? A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now! Q: Why is it a good thing to date a homeless person. A: Because you can drop them off anywhere Q: Whats white, black and blue all over? A: A white man who wouldn’t stop tellin nigg* jokes. Q: Why do vegans give good head? A: Because they are used to eating nuts. Q: How do crazy people travel through to woods? A: They take the psycho path. Q: What do you call a gang of white people? A: Cracker Stack! Q: What is a Dominican doing with two quarters in his ear? A: Listening to 50 cent How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! Q: What’s 12 inches and White? A: Nothin. Why did the man wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger? Because he was married to the wrong woman. Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table! Q: What’s everyone’s favorite vegetable. A: Christopher Reeves Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Sorority Girl? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: If you were stuck in a room that’s unbreakable with only a chainsaw and a table what would you do? A: Cut the table in half because two halves make a hole Q: What do you call a pothead with two spliffs? A: Double jointed. Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common? A: They both get blitzed! Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A: a $100 bill! Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr. Q: Why do blacks call white people "honkies"? A: That’s the last noise they hear before the white people run them over. Q: What happens when you give 61 dollars to a blonde? A: She wants 8 (ate) more. Q: What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that a klan member would hate to call a black person? A: Neighbor Q: If marriage is grand what is divorce? A: Ten grand! Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a Leprechan? A: They’re always a little short. Q: What do you call a Southern academic? A: An intellect-you all! Q: Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist in the bathroom? A: Because the "p" is silent. Q: What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian? A: We have to stop meating like this. One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here’s a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. ONE DAY,PRESIDENT OBASANJO SAW A MYSTICAL FAIRY THAT WOULD GRANT HIM ANY WISH.THEN THE PRESIDENT WISHED THAT HE COULD BE HANDSOME. THEN THE FAIRY SAID THAT HE ASKED FOR A WISH AND NOT A MIRACLE My son really upset my Grandad today: Kid says: "Grandad when are you going to turn into a frog" grandad:"What do you mean?" kid: "well dad says when you croak we are going to disneyland" Q: There’s a black guy, a muslim, and a mexican in a car. Whose driving? A:The Cop Had a fight last friday with a buthcher. Smashed him right in the chops You so ugly your mama had morning sickness after you were born.

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Stupid People Euphemisms

Posted: May 14, 2016 in General

 

— Not the brightest crayon in the box
— Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
— Not the funniest clown in the circus
— Not the fastest horse in the race
— Not the sharpest tool in the shed
— Not the brightest star in the sky
— Not the most likely Vice Presidential candidate

How to spot bull crap

Posted: May 12, 2016 in General

I should know better than to except first time friend request, but I did do that but quickly corrected my mistake. If some one is going to try to pass themselves off as an American they should first learn how Americans talk, second of all trying to pass themselves off as an American soldier is another mistake, read below the pm I got and read carefully how the text reads, it’s obvious that is NOT an American.

Hello elegant looking lady, how are you doing? I hope all is well with you.
Thank you for accepting my friend request, it’s nice meeting you.
My name is xxxxxxx from United States but now in Afghanistan for peacekeeping mission , I’m a U.S soldier.
I really love the way you look and will appreciate it very well if we can   know each other better.God be with you as I look forward to hearing from you
Thanks

My reply was: Facebook is not a hook up website. I have removed you

Tuesday is blond joke day

Posted: May 10, 2016 in General

There’s a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They’re going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don’t work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don’t work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don’t worry! There’s a stop sign ahead."

Monday’s joke

Posted: May 9, 2016 in General

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There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn’t swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn’t you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

Today’s joke of the day

Posted: May 8, 2016 in General

blogpostA wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where’s that damn monkey?" the poodle says. "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard

Joke of the day

Posted: May 7, 2016 in General

blogpost

A young boy was walking along the docks one day admiring the ships, when a man walked up behind him and said, “Thinking of becoming a sailor?” “Yes, I am!” replied the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I have sailed many years and have had many adventures.” The boy looked the man up and down, and saw that he had an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook. “I would love to hear of your adventures,” said the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I was sailing around the Cape of Good Hope when I encountered pirates. They boarded my boat and I fought them ’til there was only one left. But before he got away he cut off my leg!” “That sounds terrible!” exclaimed the boy. “Aye lad, it was, but I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “How did you get the hook?” inquired the boy. “I was once again sailing around the Cape of Good Hope on my way home when I encountered the same pirate with a whole new crew. They boarded me again and I fought down to the last man, only this time as he got away, he cut of my hand!” “That is awful!” the boy once again exclaimed. “Aye lad, but again I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “Tell me how you got the eye patch! Was it the pirates again?” “No lad, this time I was just out finishing one day, I heard the cry of a gull, and when I looked up it sh*t in me eye!” “Pardon me sir, but I didn’t know you could lose an eye from gull sh*t.” “Well lad, ’twas the first day with the hook!!!”