Stop saying this to single people

Posted: July 29, 2019 in General, Opinions

single_peopleYou might have the best intentions when speaking to people about their single lives. But certain things you say can annoy or even hurt them. So for the sake of your single friends and loved ones, here are things you need to stop saying to single people, coming from one.

“How are you still single?”

This question is often meant as a compliment when you can’t understand why your attractive, smart, and funny friend hasn’t found someone yet. But it also implies that no normal person should still be single after all this time. And it forces single people to justify why they are not in relationships.

“You’re too picky.”

This backward message implies that single people should ignore their standards just for the sake of being in a relationship. It’s better to be picky than to settle. And there is nothing wrong with having high standards when it comes to finding a partner. So don’t tell single people otherwise.

“Are you dating anyone?”

This question is irritating to single people, especially if you haven’t seen them in a while. If they are dating someone worth mentioning, they will tell you. Otherwise, they don’t want to talk about their relationship status or lack of a relationship. So ask them how they are doing instead.

“I know someone who is also single. Want me to set you up?”

Only set up single people on dates if they ask you to, and only with people who will be a good match. If being single is the only thing they have in common, then don’t bother. Otherwise, offering to set up someone means you assume they want to be set up, which is not always the case. When talking to single people, don’t treat them like they need to be saved from their single life.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

This cliché is very popular when it comes to giving “advice” to singles. Even if there are many eligible people your single friend could date, maybe they are having trouble meeting someone they connect with right now. So this saying is not helpful. If anything, this saying warrants the biggest eye-roll from your single friends.

“I’d invite you, but there will only be couples.”

Don’t say this after telling your single friend about your fun plans, unless you are trying to be mean. Maybe your single friend doesn’t feel awkward when hanging out with couples and they can have a fun time anyway. So don’t assume they will feel like the third or fifth wheel. Invite them, or don’t. Just don’t rub it in their face.

“So, what’s wrong with you?”

Though this is often said as a joke, it can be hurtful and cause single people to feel insecure. They may end up asking themselves, “What is wrong with me?” Or, they’ll be offended because you’re implying that there must be something wrong with single people.

“I wish you had a boyfriend/girlfriend so we could double-date.”

Even if you say this as a joke, it comes across as selfish. In other words, you wish your friend was in a relationship only because you want to go on dates together. Why can’t you just hang out together like friends normally do? Plus, it’s bringing up the fact that you have a significant other and your single friend doesn’t. So, avoid these types of comments for the sake of your friendship.

“Do you think you come off as too intimidating?”

Single people might hear this if they are too attractive, talented, or successful for insecure people to handle. If your single friend is a rock star at life, don’t tell them to downplay their talents or success. They don’t need someone who is intimidated by them. Instead, they should only surround themselves with people who embrace their qualities. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll find the right person eventually.”

Maybe they will find the right person and maybe they won’t. But when people say this to singles, they assume singles are stressed about being single. While it may be the truth for some, it isn’t for all. So don’t assume your single friend is constantly worried about finding someone.

“Your job won’t keep you warm at night.”

This phrase could mean you’re concerned about your single friend working too much and not having a healthy work/life balance. But maybe your friend isn’t single because they work a lot. Maybe they find their work fulfilling, and meeting someone to settle down with isn’t a priority.

“Maybe you should stop trying so hard.”

If your single friend is actively trying to meet people because they want a relationship, don’t tell them to stop. That is the worst advice you can give. How else will they meet someone if they don’t go out and meet new people? You might think that their eagerness to meet someone is scaring off potential partners. But if your friend is scaring off people, then they are meeting the wrong people for them anyway.

“I wish I were single.”

The grass is always greener on the other side. And if you say this to your single friends (and mean it), then you either have a rose-coloured view of what single life is like such as excitement and freedom from responsibilities; or, you shouldn’t be in your current relationship. While single life is fun, it isn’t always short flings and late nights out on the town.

“And that’s why they are still single.”

This joke is often said after discussing someone’s shortcomings. But even if you mean well and you are just trying to be funny, this can come across as very hurtful. So don’t ever say this to or about a single person.

“You’d be more confident if you got a makeover or lost weight.”

While a new haircut can help people feel better, you should never suggest to a friend or loved one that they need to change their appearance to attract a mate. Saying this could hurt their self-esteem and make them feel less confident than they did before.

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