Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

You’ve heard it a zillion times: opposites attract. Heck, we were all raised on Disney-ified versions of this (I’m looking at you, Belle and Beast, and Anna and Kristoff), so it’s kind of hard not to buy into this concept.

attraction“When it comes to romantic compatibility, many people first think of similarities,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, PsyD. But “while similar traits can certainly increase romantic compatibility, it’s not always the case and can backfire for some couples,” Cilona says. For example, if you and your partner are both total alphas in relationships, you’re probably going to butt heads when it comes to fairly simple stuff, like deciding where you want to go eat on any given date night. Ditto if you both prefer to take a backseat on decision-making you’ll never get anything accomplished.


BB12GBDkThere are things that would be annoying to each other on a regular day, but lock us in a house together with our kids and a “Stay at Home” order and it’s the most annoying thing that has ever happened. Like many couples, we’ve joked about how we’ll be filing for divorce when this pandemic is over. But for some couples staying at home together with kids is a challenge they may feel they can’t overcome.


happy_marriageWhen you and your spouse started dating, their insights were sheer brilliance, their laugh made you melt, heck, even their blink seemed revolutionary. Fast forward a couple (dozen) years, and you hardly notice their new haircut and can fill in the blanks about their day without even asking. The longer you’ve been married (or in a committed relationship), the easier it can be to take each other for granted but you already know that. Do you know how to stop that ish ASAP to avoid real trouble down the road, though?


sloppy_wrap1If you’ve never fully mastered the art of gift wrapping, the holidays can be a stressful time. But a new study from the University of Nevada has some welcome news for gift givers who struggle to make their presents look perfect.


last_wordYou know the type: the person who just can’t walk away from an argument unless they’ve had the last word, proving once and for all that they’re right and you’re wrong. When you’re in a relationship with someone like that, it can make any dispute needlessly long, frustrating and unproductive.

“Partners who seek to win against their mate may end up ‘winning’ the battle and losing the war by destroying their relationship connection,” said Kurt Smith, a therapist in Roseville, California, who specializes in counseling men. “Conversations and arguments shouldn’t be a competition.”

I asked relationship experts to explain why some partners fall into this bad habit and how to deal if it’s hurting your relationship.


single_happyScientific research has shown there are numerous physical and mental benefits to being single. But some people still find the idea terrifying.  I notice that many people are afraid of being alone. There are many people who feel like this they are hardly afraid of anything more than being alone, like it’s the worst case that could ever happen.

Some people jump from relationship to relationship because they are hooked on the pleasant feelings they get from the attention, but this means they are also at a greater risk of falling for someone toxic. This is because being with someone who is wrong for them is better than being alone.

I know people who have never been single in their life. And if you think about it, it’s a weird fear, you know, I think if you are alone, if you are single, it is a good opportunity to get to know yourself and learn to love yourself more. If you get all of your self-confidence and self-worth from what someone else is telling you, you’ll become dependent on it.
For example, it’s wonderful to hear that you’re lovable, beautiful, and amazing, but if you’re not telling yourself the same thing, you’re only getting validation from outside. Then if your partner cheats on you, leaves you for someone else, or even dies, this stream of validation disappears. 
You will feel like you’re in withdrawal and this is a bad feeling, But this is not because being alone is so bad, it’s because you are dependent on the validation of the person in the first place.

If you approach relationships in this way looking to replace the feelings of validation you lost from a former partner with a new one – you’re more likely to feel animosity about your exes. These will be people who don’t talk to their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, They remove them, they’re dismissed, It’s like getting the new fix. It’s very hard to break this toxic cycle, but it can be done by embracing being single when the chance comes around. This is because developing emotional independence will actually help you become more emotionally stable.

If you understand yourself first of all, you will be able to understand others much more. You’ll know about your needs and your expectations, and you will understand why certain people act the way they do.
Learning about yourself will also help you in the future when you do find the right person. You’ll realize that relationships are about giving, not receiving, and you’ll feel more confident because you know you can overcome it if the relationship doesn’t work out.

"I believe I’m strong enough to handle it, so I take a higher risk in the relationship at the end,"
Imagine two people who love themselves and love each other dearly, who just give love to each other instead of asking for it. It’s a beautiful relationship, and this is what a healthy relationship is.